Letting Go

“Let. Go. Let. Go”

This morning I took a free outdoor yoga class. Under the crisp, clear, cerulean sky, the instructor guided us to use each breath as a reminder to let go of the things weighing us down.  

3 months ago today, I landed in the hospital in septic shock, with an infection that killed my unborn baby, Rose. In the month that followed, I underwent 4 surgeries and lost most of my small intestine.  

That’s a lot to let go of.

But let go I did, if only for the hour, breathing in time with my rocky yoga poses, digging deep for the core strength I once had, arms quivering in downward dog. I watched orange honey locust leaves scuttle across my mat and felt autumn’s first breeze on my face. (It smelled like Yankee Candles, the store we were practicing in front of.)

As we lay in savasana, the instructor said that fall is her favorite time of year because it reminds us of the beauty of letting go of old things. I’ve always preferred spring for its promise and optimism, but this year, I think I’ll embrace autumn for what it’s worth.

After class, I won the raffle for a free month of yoga. I’ve mourned my Crossfit classes, but my body’s not yet ready for heavy lifting. Maybe this is a sign that yoga will be a gentler path back to myself, or some new version of myself.

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